he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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