I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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