Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Send help, water and tortillas.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
