you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
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I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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