ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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