I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
