I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
