addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
