It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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