so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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