I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
