Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
