How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
