it hurts more in the daytime
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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