You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
