Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
