did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
