You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
