all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
