i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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