im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
