Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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