Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I don't deserve a penis
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize