it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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