There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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