So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
