I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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