I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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