then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
