i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
