This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you win again, gameday.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
