i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
