I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
