im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Floor bacon is actually really good
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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