i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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