You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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