fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
