my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
did i walk over a car last night?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Mom said you looked used
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
