No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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