i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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