i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
