oh god the rape fog is back!
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
