i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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