I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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