meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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