When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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