I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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