Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Randomize
