you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
