I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
