At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
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the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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