Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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