Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
