so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
