I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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